Kvetching

Sunday, August 10, 2003
 
Hey there! I haven't been on in a long while (yet again). I'm not going to waste time with updates...I have a couple unrelated topics on my mind so I thought I'd spill 'em in point form. Here goes...

- I went out to a stag (are you supposed to say 'stagette' when it's for a girl?) last night and had a really good time. We got a limo (big-ass Lincoln Navigator) which was really fun. It was equipped with a bar, a kickin stereo, funky lights, karaoke and more. Even with all that stuff to amuse me I realized that the funnest (is that a word?) thing about being in a limo is not being in the limo but rather yelling obscenities at the people who are not in the limo. This was apparent to me when, 2 minutes after getting into the vehicle we started driving away and I yelled 'SEE YA LATER SUCKAS! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!' at the people outside the bar. I continued to yell such things out the window at nearly everyone I saw throughout the night. Fun times!

-There are forest fires burning all over BC. Many people have lost their homes and many more evacuees are still hanging in the balance waiting to find out what's left of theirs when they're finally able to return. One of the forest fires was apparently set by some guy who threw a lit cigarette butt out his car window. I heard on the news the other day that the powers-that-be have decided to give a fine of up to $1,000,000 to any person who throws a cigarette butt out a window and/or up to 3 years in jail. After this story came out quite a few people were talking about it at work.

'Oooh did you hear!?' they said, 'You can get fined up to a million dollars and go to jail for 3 years for throwing your cigarettes out the window!!'

'Pshaw!' Says I.

Bewildered looks follow. Does Laurie think she's above the law? What's with all this pshawing? Well, I'll tell you what it's about. Nobody has a million dollars. Okay not nobody, but certainly not the average person. Why in the HELL would they fine someone a million dollars for that? NOBODY gets fined for throwing a cigarette butt out a window. You're supposed to get fined when your dog takes a shit on public property and you don't take a pooper scooper and pick it up. When the hell does that ever happen? Nobody gets fined for nuthin. And if they do they deny, rebut, appeal, cry, sneeze, spit and do whatever else it takes to get out of it. Then we end up spending tax dollars trying to deal with these people in court. Money which could have been used to FIGHT FOREST FIRES! ARGH!

About the 3 years in jail: Nobody is going to jail for throwing a cigarette butt out a window. Ever. Everevereverever. We often cannot manage to send murderers to jail for three years. How the hell would a butt-thrower ever get sentenced to do time? It won't happen.

I have cleverly come up with an alternative to the fine/jail time punishment. Chain gangs. Nothing wrong with that. If you're going to throw stuff out your car window, then your sentence should be pickin up shit on the side of the highway. I think that's fair. We have garbage we need picked up on the side of the road, and they need a punishment that's realistic. It's perfect. Why do these things only occur to me? Why am I typing this in my blog instead of getting paid $100,000 a year to tell some committee? Why do men have nipples? Email me at kvetch_at_laurie@hotmail.com if you've got the answers. I'd really like to know.

Well I guess that's it for now. I could go on (as always) but my ass misses the couch, and today my ass is boss. It's only fair. My conscience gets to have its way all week.

I'm not going to leave you with promises of frequent updates. Nobody likes being lied to. Well, some people do, but I think you deserve better than empty promises. I'm sweet like that. Until next time....